Who knew that The King had the inside scoop on a key component of handling difficult conversations?

In a business or corporate environment that, by it’s nature, often creates awkwardness, having to have one of “those” conversations with a colleague, team member, or even a superior, ranks right up at the top of the list of difficult conversations. In our personal lives, we may end up in a similar situation with a friend or family member, and need to resolve an existing or potential conflict. The truth of the matter is that we all have to face difficult conversations, and to help you with them, I have put together a few general points in this week’s blog, and then created a downloadable E Guide that will give you a step-by-step process to negotiate the minefield safely.

So how do we handle these tough situations when our natural instinct is to totally avoid them?

    1. DON'T PUT IT OFF

If you need to swallow a frog, most of you are not going to savor it slowly – you are going to get it over with as quickly as possible, and the same applies with difficult conversations. If you are having an issue with a team or family member, it needs to be resolved as soon as possible. Procrastination not only hurts you and the other person involved, but also everybody around the situation, as they watch what looks suspiciously like you sanctioning incompetence or continual bad behavior without there being any repercussions.

2. DO GET THE DISCUSSION SCHEDULED

Get it on your calendar. Schedule a meeting with the person who is having the issue and block out more than enough time to get the problem solved. It’s not fair for either you or the team member to rush the discussion and end up with no resolution for either of you.

3. (As Elvis said) DON’T BE CRUEL

Nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished by being a bully or mean, even if you are justifiably upset. Keep in mind that in most of these situations, you have the bulk of the power and control. Plus, the idea of the discussion is to end up with a mutually beneficial and positive outcome (yes, that is absolutely achievable), not to embarrass and demoralize the other person, or lose your cool.

4.  DO USE MORE THAN JUST WORDS

Use as many levels of communication as you can. All of us pick up a lot of meaning from the non-verbal cues that we see and hear when we interact, so attitude on your part is critically important. Be careful about using email or text to convey important information. The loss of non-verbal information can have the other person hear a completely different message to the one you intended. Make sure that all the messages are in sync and line up. For example, a sunny, smiling apology may convey a level of insincerity that is unintended.

5. DON’T MAKE THE CONVERSATION PUBLIC

For the process we suggest to work effectively, you will need to hold the conversation in a private place, which may even need to be off- site, depending on the type of office or home environment that is normal. The content of the conversation is not for public consumption, and if your HR policies require a record of the conversation, limit your notes to the actual issues and the agreed resolution steps that the two of you agree on.

6. DO LISTEN ACTIVELY

Focus on what the other person is saying and show that you're listening by nodding your head to show agreement, and leaning forward to show interest. Despite the preparation you will have done, avoid the temptation to start building your counter argument in your head until the other person has finished speaking and you clearly understand their point of view. The goal of active listening is to be sure you're really hearing what the other person is trying to convey. Paraphrase back to the person what you think they said, which you will see from the E-Guide, does not mean that you agree – it is simply you confirming that you got their message correctly.

Over time, as you have more and more successful communications with your team and family, you'll also build trust, which is a key component in handling difficult conversations. Using these strategies for everyday communication will greatly enhance your effectiveness as well as your relationships, but despite applying all of these points, difficult conversations are still going to happen, and these strategies on their own are not sufficient to get you through a difficult conversation. Difficult conversations bring with them higher stakes and stronger emotions, and that is why we need a deeper understanding of why they happen, and if we can’t avoid them, a process to help us navigate through them successfully and positively for both parties.

To help you with that, I have put together a free E-Guide, which will give you a step-by-step process to handle difficult conversations, build your skills as a leader, and create and maintain a happy, productive and effective team.

Download your free E-Guide here, and feel free to drop me a comment below, on our Facebook page, or via our Contact Page, if you need any further help with this subject.